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Life lately is a roller coaster. 

 Penny can often be heard yelling in the background.  She is not sick.  She is not hurting.  She is not tired.  She's not even crying, just yelling.  She will stop and smile as soon as I swoop her up.  Penelope wants to be held and/or carried all of the time.  She has days that are wonderfully predictable, she naps for at least an hour at a time and is generally a pleasant little person.  The other half of our days are hard.  I often try to come up with the correct word to describe those days.  Challenging, difficult, crazy, exhausting, numbing. 

I know these baby days will escape me before I am ready.  I am aware of how quickly the time goes.  I am sure that Penny will grow into an amazing and smart girl that grows into an incredible woman.  However, right now we are in the trenches and some days are just hard.

Penny wants to be on the move.  At only three months, she is very aware of her surroundings.  I do not want to wish any time away.  I am trying to soak up every tiny bit of baby, but I think that she will be easier to deal with a few months down the road.  

She and I spend a lot of time together, which I do not take for granted.  My work situation combined with our family situation (Read: Cody is awesome and the best partner I could ever ask for.  He works long and hard hours to allow me to work part time. He knows that I genuinely enjoy taking care of our family and our home, and he allows me to do that.) has made it easy for me to almost exclusively breastfeed, which is good for both Penny and myself.  For the last month or so, she has been making a lot of eye contact while feeding, and I soak in those special moments between the two of us.

I have to laugh when I think about how Cody and I had our future lives planned out.  Penelope has changed those plans, or at least the timeline.  Our mountain tiny house dreams will be pushed back.  I find myself missing the time I had alone and the time that Cody and I had to ourselves. I miss it so much, but it all goes away when that chubby little baby smiles at me or laughs at her brother and sister.  I know I am very much doing what I am meant to be doing right now and I accept that life will be busy and crazy for years to come.

This is just a glimpse of life right now.  I anticipate the rest of this year being as wild as the first part has been, but I am ready for it.  Ready to marry my best friend and watch our kids grow up.  Ready to experience all of the ups and downs to come.  We only get one chance at life, and I am going to do my best to find the good in every day, even the hard ones.