encouragement

Earlier this week, Cody told me something that I needed to hear, but didn't realize it at the time.  In casual conversation, I was talking about how I sometimes go out of my way to ensure that I do not disrupt the lives of my children.  He waited until I paused for a breath, then said, "Let me say one thing... You don't have anything to make up for.  You are present, you are always here for your kids.  You're a fantastic mom, you are doing a great job."  Whoa.  I fought back tears as I thanked him, and I believe at that moment, the conversation was interrupted by one of the kids, asking for a snack or to go play outside.

His words have been encouragement for me this week.  My most important job right now is being a mom.  Sure, I need the other jobs for income (and sanity, I cannot stay at home all the time) but my most important title is this phase of my life is "Mommy."  Those powerful words came  from a man that sees me with my kids each day: the good, the bad, the screaming--(sometimes coming from the kids, sometimes I am the one acting like a lunatic).  They came from a man that does not lie to me, even to protect my feelings.  They came from the right person, at exactly the right moment.

I am a firm believer in encouragement.  When they are honest, sincere, and from the heart, positive words can be worth more than any material gift one could ever possible give or receive.  Each day since that conversation, I have reminded myself that I am doing a good job.  My kids are loved and safe.  They have happy lives, and a huge family that loves them to pieces.  I can only speak for myself, but I often question and wonder whether I am doing this whole parenting thing to the best of my ability.  While it is easy to get sucked into, I try not to get caught up on competing with other moms or worrying about what other moms are doing. 

 Not long ago, I overheard a mom at Laica's gymnastics class.  I don't recall the entire sentence, but what stuck out was this, "and then we had some all-natural fruit snacks...".  I just wanted to pat that woman on the back (she appears to be about my age, with an elementary school-age daughter, an energetic toddler, and a new baby--talk about work!) and tell her that it was okay to give her child fruit snacks.  Why does it have to be qualified with "all natural"?  Why do we feel the need to make sure others know what a good mother we are?

I do not have the answers to these questions, all I can do is control my own words and actions.  I could not care any less about what type of food you feed your kid, and want to know why?  Because, it is your child, not mine.  Unless you are planning on coming over and cooking dinner (please, do!) for my family, I really should have no concern with what your kid eats.  

I feel that, as parents, we all have our work cut out for us.  We should not make it more difficult for someone else to do their job by making them feel inadequate.  Is your child happy?  Does your child think that you are the best?  I bet so.  You are enough, don't forget it.

you have got to be kidding me...

Facebook.  I have ranted before about it, explained how I have removed the application from my phone, how I am slowly stepping away and eventually saying good bye to the social media outlet.  I was reading through my news-feed the other night and  read something that made me stop and read it aloud to Cody, stopped following that particular person, immediately shut my computer down and didn't touch it again for over twenty four hours.

I was absolutely disgusted.  I almost wanted to screen-shot the image and blur out the name of the individual that posted it, but after thinking about it, I decided that paraphrasing and doing my best to keep the person anonymous was the better way to go.

To sum it up, this person was spending a weekend away, and had gone shopping. No big deal, happens all the time... I like doing this from time to time. I will quote the rest of the status update.  "Went shopping for nothing in particular and scored a new Coach purse!  Yay for me!  I feel really guilty, I could have fed several homeless ppl.  God is good to me. -feeling blessed."

What?  Did I really just read that?  Did someone actually just announce that to the world? Yes, they did.  I was furious.  Crap like this is what is wrong with the world today. 

I am not going to pretend that I feed homeless people. I don't.  I do not feel as though we struggle, but Cody and I both work hard and contribute toward our family expenses.  We also, at times, buy nice thing for the kids or ourselves, but for the most part we are both fairly thrifty people who enjoy trying to save and work toward a goal, whether it be a trip or an object or just the simple goal of saving.

I like the person that posted the aforementioned status.  She is someone who I have known for a long time and care about.  She is a wonderful person with an equally great family that includes children, grandchildren, and extended family.  I have no personal issue with her, I just believe that the delivery was, well, TERRIBLE.  Even worse, twenty four people "liked" it.  Really, people?  Are we so desensitized that this actually seemed like something good to read?  I guess so, and, for lack of better words, that sucks.  Big time.

That is what social media is for, to show off our accomplishments to the world...but couldn't you have left out the part about what you could have done for the homeless instead of buying the expensive bag?  Did God really "bless" you with that purse?  I  don't think so, but that is my personal opinion (and this is my blog). 

I could go on an on about the many reasons this situation rubbed me the wrong way, but I will be finished with it now.  I felt compelled to write down my feelings about it.  The words had nothing to do with me or my life, therefore they will not affect me. It was something that made me think and prompted conversations, so I suppose I took something ugly and made as much use of it as possible. 

We took a trip to Kansas City over the weekend with the kids... Legoland and Sealife Aquarium, both were loads of fun and we got a lot of great photos.  That is all for another post, which will come soon.  Spring break is officially over and Caden and I are back to the grind of school.  :))) 

balance

Balance.  

Balance is something that I struggle with daily.  Most mornings I see piles of (usually) clean laundry out of my peripheral vision as I sit and work on my school reading or assignments.  During these two hours spent attending to school, approximately ten times I will think to myself, "I should really try to exercise before the kids wake up," but, I do not.  I hear little feet stumbling to the bathroom, and take a deep breath, to switch from student mode to Mommy.

I let my kids watch television as they eat breakfast, because I need thirty more minutes to finish up my homework. Eventually, we all get dressed and ready (after I have repeated myself about a thousand times) and somehow we get out the door.  The short drive is filled with chatter and giggles, but I am relieved to drop my kids off at their destinations.

As soon as the car is empty, I breathe a sigh of silent relief, and enjoy the feeling for a moment.  The moment is short-lived, as the guilt creeps in.  Shouldn't I be sad that I am leaving my kids for the day?  Am I a bad mom because I, honestly, am not sad? 

 As I work, I am wondering what Caden is doing at school, what sort of craft Laica will make for me today, and I am looking forward to picking them up and heading home.  I feel as though I am always striving for balance, but never quite achieving it.

This is just a small glimpse of my internal struggle with balance that I endure each day.  I am not looking for sympathy, just documenting.  I know that there are a lot of mothers out there who do not have the support system that I have.  I am content in this season of my life.  I realize that my life is a good one, although I may not appreciate it every day.  I am trying to change this.  When I become frustrated  or sad, I try to look at the bright side. 

Yesterday, Cody and I went out on the scooter.  The weather was incredible, and I got to spend some time in the sunshine with the man I love.  I spent a lot of time looking up at the sky as we rode, thinking about how my place in this universe is a small one.  All over the world, others are experiencing the same trials and emotions as I am.  Many are living in turmoil far worse than I can even imagine.  I am grateful.  

Being outdoors soothes my soul.  I do not think that I have ever been more ready for spring to arrive and stay.  Two hours spent in the sunshine yesterday was two hours of therapy.  Two hours of being in the moment, laughing, thinking, remembering, and making new memories.  Those two hours helped me regain some balance that I had lost over an emotional few days.  

Did those two hours fix my washing machine?  No.  Did they complete the history midterm I have saved for the last day?  No.  Did they cure my grandfather?  No.  What it accomplished was to help me gain a new perspective on my current trials, and gave me a feeling of peace and freedom.  

Yesterday was a reminder that our time is temporary, and that the only way to spend that time is being present, grateful, and open to love.  Even during dark times, I will continue my attempt at keeping my balance.

progress

It has been three days since I removed the Facebook application from my phone, and guess what... I don't miss it.  At all.  The only issue, if you can even call it that, is the habit of reaching it for my phone during the times that I would normally scroll through my news feed.  These times included: any down time while sitting on the couch.  Right before I went to sleep.  Not too long after I woke up (while still in bed),  and during unnecessary breaks during school/work.  I am not motivated enough to record times and analyze my personal results, therefore I can not put a number on the amount of time that has been used in a more productive manner.  I do know that the time spent scrolling was substantial.

I also know this:  I will not put the application back on my phone, ever.  I like the differences I have seen in such a short amount of time, and cannot wait to see the impact this will have on all aspects of my life.


Moving on...

I had most of a post written about being an introvert, but I am getting too sleepy to finish it this evening, watch for that post sometime tomorrow.  I'll provide a list of behaviors that determine just how introverted you are.  I KNOW that I am about as introverted as they come.... but you know what?  The people who I care about love me, whether I am feeling outgoing that day or not.  I love you all, you know who you are.

I will post in the morning, when my brain works again. 

Brooke

I got two new pairs of glasses last night.  Thank you, Sweetie!  Cody is the absolute best thing that has happened to me.... I will leave you with a photo or two.

pair number one

... and the second pair.  I like the second pair the best, but love them both! Been a long time coming!  Time for this girl to cuddle up to Cody and drift to Dreamland.  Until next time...

Brooke

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." --William Shakespeare

Too much?

According to Webster's dictionary, the term "excess" is defined as: 

•  an amount that is more than the usual or necessary amount
• behavior that is considered wrong because it goes beyond what is normal, acceptable, or proper 
•  undue or immoderate indulgence  

 Tonight, I had a deep conversation.

The subject of excess was discussed.  Luckily, my love and I have a lot of the same morals, values, and opinions on the major stuff, but at the same time have entirely different interests and hobbies.  Excess is something that falls into the "major" category.  Between the two of us, we have personally know at least ten people who have died from excess.  Excessive alcohol.  Excessive prescription drugs.  Excessive illegal drugs.  Excessive risk taking.

Those that know me, know that I am extremely open-minded.  You want to drink, smoke, party, rave, go nuts??  Fine by me, just please keep in moderation (and out of my house). :)  Do not misunderstand me, I had my party and festival years. It was incredible, I created awesome memories I will cherish forever, I stayed up for full weekends, I danced until the sun rose, I beat a drum until my hands were bruised, I "ran out of time" with my friend, Carly....Needless to say, I. LOVED. IT. Honestly, if I were younger and without kids, I would still go.  I love to have a good time and occasionally kick back with some adult conversation and adult activities.  BUT--I am nearing the big thirty, and hangovers are what I imagine hell would be like (if I believed in hell... Heaven? Sure!  Hell? Undecided).

I am naturally a worrier, and I usually feel that I am intuitive. A storm is brewing, and I would love to see it pass before it causes destruction, as it will be catastrophic.  Sending good vibes toward the situation that prompted this post... may you come out of the darkness and into the sunlight, where your children and the rest of your family are.  I love you.  Everyone loves you.  Love yourself, and join us out here... it is really beautiful.

"People who have never had an addiction don't understand how hard it can be." --Payne Stewart

I would like to introduce... My whole world! Cody, Caden, and Laica

Caden, playing at Miss Kayti's.




Laica and Caden, Fall 2013





Cody and me, not too long after we had started dating... he still makes me this happy.  Every single day.







 I love this photo of Laica!  It is about a year old, but captures her personality perfectly.  She is quite the princess/diva/bossy-pants.  She reminds me so much of myself, and sometimes it drives me insane. :))

Thanks for getting acquainted with my family!  They are my world.

I feel it is fitting to end the evening with a message from the wonderful John Lennon... miss you so much, Jess.  :))

Brooke

"All you need is love."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-pFAFsTFTI&feature=player_detailpage





 

reflections

I recently read an article, "18 Things Highly Creative People Do Differently." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/04/creativity-habits_n_4859769.html?ir=Women

I could relate with many of the things on the list, and reading this caused me to think a little deeper into my creative side.  I hope to tap it and put my talents back to use.  One goal I have is sewing skirts and sundresses for Laica and myself.  Since reading the article, I am a little more motivated to get started. Cannot wait to start looking for fun fabrics!

 The 18 behaviors previously mentioned are listed below.

According to the article, creative people:

• daydream
• observe everything 
• work hours that work for them
• face obstacles head on and turn them around
• seek out new experiences
• "fail up"
• ask the big questions
• people watch
• take risks
• view all of life as an opportunity for self-expression
• follow their true passions
• get out of their own heads
• lose track of time
• surround themselves with beauty
• connect the dots
• shake things up
• make time for mindfulness

 Personally, 12 of the 18 behaviors are ones that I believe are relevant to me.

I don't really take risks (I am a nervous person).  I have a hard time getting out of my own head.  Yoga is helping with that, it is a slow process, but I am learning to quiet my mind and relax more.  I usually do not run out of time, but, I do have two small children... so, somtimes yes, I lose track of time.  I don't really feel that I "shake things up" but I crave (and need) routine and consistency, as do Cody and my children.

I have been waking before five in the morning as Cody leaves for work, to "take time for mindfulness," and work on my school work.  I love that I have converted to a morning person.  It feels wonderful to leave the house having done the dishes, a load of laundry, worked on homework, and still have time to shower and get myself ready and lay out the Caden and Laica's clothes before they wake up.  I have come to need my quiet morning hours with my chores and most importantly, my coffee.

I found the article easy to relate to and encouraging.  The "failing up" part really struck a chord with me.  I have certainly overcome some adversity in the past few years.  There were many, many times that I was failing, and flailing...but I came out on the other side.  I picked up the broken pieces, slowly put them back together, and have ended up in a place that I am so very grateful to be in life. 

The last year has contained many highs and lows.  Rekindling friendships, losing those same friendships (good riddance, if you ever are curious and ever read this), meeting the love of my life, creating my little family unit, creating new traditions with our blended family, and finally making the effort to finish college (in a timely manner, of course... it has been eight years, after all).

I made a career change that did not end up working out, but it was a total blessing in disguise.  I am now my own boss and have the time to be a full-time mommy, student, and partner.  Caden broke his arm twice, yes, twice this year.  Talk about giving a mommy a panic attack... boys will be boys.  :)) 

So much has happened, but I would not change one second of it, because it has lead me to here.  On my couch, music on, homework ready to start, hot chai tea and my favorite people are asleep upstairs.  I could not ask to be in a better place.

Until next time, I leave you with a quote:

"I like to be a free spirit. Some do not like that, but that is the way I am."
~Princess Diana



 

This was taken a few months ago... Love this guy.  

an attempt at a new hobby...

This is my second attempt at a personal blog.  The first one ended with a season of my life:  my first marriage.  Now, here I am, happier than I have been in my entire life.  I love my kids.  I love my boyfriend.  I love my work and being in school... just loving life right now and it feels amazing to be able to just breathe.

ahhh...

I have recently taken up yoga about once a week (more if I am extra motivated) and am absolutely loving it!!  My instructor is a friend, and she is amazing at her trade.  Private lessons with a cool-ass chick?  I think so.

I have removed Facebook from my phone in effort to slowly be done with it.  I read recently that over ten years, if one spends about thirty minutes per day scrolling through their news-feed, that time spent is equivalent to two months.  Yes, TWO MONTHS of your life, scrolling and scrolling and scrolling.  

I will use the time that I would have spent on social media to be present.  Whether it be engaging in conversation with Cody, Caden, or Laica, getting more house or homework done, or simply having some quiet time and indulging in a good book.  I love to read, and am getting back into it after a brief winter hiatus.

Hope my family and friends enjoy reading and keeping up with the Lane/Bennett/Dishman household!  I will leave you with an old picture of Laica and her best friend, Bunny.  :)))

Hope your day is filled with peace and love, 

Brooke