my angel

This post is simply for myself.  I hope that others enjoy reading it, but this is a post that will be therapeutic for me to write.  Cancer.  If there is one word that I hate, cancer is it.  It has unfairly taken lives of several of my loved ones, and, for lack of better words, I HATE it.

The wife of a couple that is very close to me has recently been diagnosed with leukemia.  Damn it.  I will devote a special future post to Ellen, as she is sort of an adopted parent to me.  Prognosis good, but she has a battle ahead of her.

Receiving news such as that hit me like a ton of bricks.  It also brought back many memories of the trials my guardian angel, Jessikah.  Cancer took her life far too early, she didn't even reach her mid-twenties.  Left behind a husband, two small, beautiful girls, and many other friends and family members who miss her dearly to this day.  She left us here on earth in 2007.  As the years pass, it is easier, but I have days when I am reminded of a special time we had and I sob on the way to work.  I often wonder how my life would be different if she were still here.  While she being alive would not change everything, I know that my life would be different in many ways if she were alive and healthy today.

I feel her around me often.  Not everyday, but when I need it. I know she is there, helping me out along the way.  There are two songs that will immediately bring me to tears, "Meet Virginia" by Train, and "Hand In My Pocket" by Alanis.  I fee so lucky that I got to attend the Alanis concert with Jessikah and other amazing ladies by my side.

She plays songs for me.  When life it trying, she lets me know that she is there.  Music was  huge part of our lives, whether it be a concert, jamming in the Choco, Shania Twain concerts with pool sticks, or the odd drunken karaoke performance.  

I am not the most faithful person.  I like to believe that there is a Heaven, but I haven't figured out the rest of my sprirtual journey yet.  I do believe this:  Jessikah Lyn Hopper is my guardian angel.  I miss her so much, and wish she were still here; but I talk to her often, and through music she gives me the advice I need.  

Jess's motto and favorite Beatles tune was, "All You Need Is Love".... I am learning that they were right.