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I thought that attempting to participate in a blogging challenge may be a good way for me to get back into writing. Thirty days straight may be a stretch for me, so I am setting the goal of blogging about all of these topics over the next six weeks. Right now, I am procrastinating. I have some accounting homework to attend to, as well as a few small assignments. In my defense, I have successfully taken an exam and two quizzes this morning...I felt as though a small brain-break was in order. Upon completion of school, I will be writing a post about #1 on the list, weird things I do when I'm alone...should be interesting. :) Stay tuned!
I have never been one who makes resolutions for the new year. My feelings around January 1st include disbelief that the past year flew by at warp speed, the anticipation and excitement of a fresh start, and hope that the new year will be my best one yet.
Cody and I spent NYE at home by ourselves. The kids stayed with their Granny and Papa (Becky and Harold) and we vegged on the couch, eating little smokies and cheese dip, and watching Netflix. We went to bed around 11:15, as I was struggling to keep my eyes open past 10. We are early risers, and are usually in bed between 8-830 and asleep by 9. Party animals.
We had great conversation that night, which got me to thinking about my expectations of myself for 2015. I have to remain in control of my emotions and thoughts. I feel 100% better than I have the past few months, most of that is due to making a conscious effort to worry less and enjoy the present. Anxiety is a bitch, but my hope is to make it my bitch and keep it at bay.
I have not been working out or practicing yoga as much as I should, but I haven't totally stopped, either. I have a lesson scheduled for Tuesday night, then I shall suck it up and get back in some hot classes. I am lucky to have good friends (and the best sister) to practice with.
I am making a concentrated effort to keep myself as happy as I am right now. I had a couple of days off this week, and took full advantage of them. I am feeling good about my classes and got started with coursework on Tuesday.
Wednesday, I drove to Marshfield on a whim and Patty highlighted my hair for me. It turned out great, I had forgotten how much I like having my hair blonde. It was nice to get to visit with Patty and the other women who work in the salon, and I also got to see Mariah and Chesley.
Yesterday I had lunch with Kasey, and we got caught up after not seeing each other for far too long. It was great to see her, and cannot wait to get to snuggle on Bowen sometime soon.
Caden has had excellent behavior at school since going back after Christmas, and we are so proud of him. Having family time (nearly) every night has really helped. We play a board game, play dough, watch a movie, or make cookies. After school yesterday we got to go to the park for awhile before I took them to their dad's for the weekend. It was absolutely gorgeous out, and so fun to see them happy and playing outdoors.
I can't figure out how to get pictures off of my phone and onto the blog, maybe I will have Cody help me with that this weekend. Caden has a basketball game at eight this morning, the they are staying with Clint until Monday. I am looking forward to the long weekend with my man and the nice weather. Yesterday got up to around 58 degrees (according to my phone when I looked at it at the park) and it was blissful. Sunshine does wonders for me! While I am not to the point where I am ready for winter to be gone, it is so refreshing to have a string of nice days in the forecast (and it looks like there isn't even a storm brewing yet--we all know how Missouri weather is).
I am going to try to blog more frequently, as writing is a great outlet for me. I am taking 12 hours this semester (4 classes). Therefore, school will be taking precedent over reading and writing for fun, but I hope to maintain some balance and engage in things I enjoy. My goal for the year is peace and happiness (wow, that sounds so hippie and "far out, man" :)). I know that doing things for myself that I enjoy will aid in this process.
I am looking forward to writing more soon. Get outdoors this weekend!
It has been far too long since I have posted any substance here on my blog. The semester got the best of me, and sucked me of life, energy, and emotion. I was successful. It is over. The next one will be starting in less than a month. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for my situation. I actually enjoy my job (most of the time) and I also love learning, attending college, and working toward a goal.
I spent a lot of time over the past five or six months worrying. About everything. I get so frustrated with myself, because it takes very little to induce worry, and I can admit that I waste too much time fretting and thinking about situations (past, present, or future) that I do not have direct control over. I have a hard time just letting things be, and having a sense of control helps keep the anxiety in check. I am a real piece of work, huh?
I am luck to have a patient and loving fiance, and the best kids. I also have a huge extended family that includes a few close friends who support me through each day, whether it be good or one that is more difficult. I am finally getting back into a routine with my yoga, which has had tremendous benefits in the three weeks I have been back at it.
My dear friend, Ellen, has had a major treatment for her cancer and is doing WONDERFULLY. Things are moving more quickly than we all expected, and I am thrilled that her body is getting stronger and the treatment is working! She is one important lady in my life, and it warms my heart to know she is feeling better.
We are all excited to start our holiday festivities this week. Cody and I both have long days today (though his will be much longer, probably a 12-14 hour day) but we will then have the next five days off, which will be wonderful.
I need to get the pictures from my phone uploaded to my computer, so I do not have any of those to post today. I will be writing more soon, getting back into my blog will be just as beneficial as picking up yoga again. We all need an outlet, and those two are mine... I am regretful that I have neglected both for so long, but am going to focus on this moment. I will be present. The light in me acknowledges the light in you... Namaste. :))
I have take three out of four finals, and will take the last one tomorrow (all successfully)!!! I will be writing more soon, when I have time to clear out my brain a bit. Have been back into yoga, and could not be happier about it. Will post more soon, and a lot of pictures. :)
Taking deep breaths. Drinking some hot tea. Deep inhalations. Closing my eyes periodically and taking in the feeling of peace. Serenity. I just finished a very long but productive and rewarding day.
I worked my hardest job of the week, picked up kids, got them packed up and off to Granny and Papa's house, and then took an exam while I waited for Cody to get home from work. I got an A on the exam (yes!!). As of now, I am on track to be on the dean's list again this semester, I intend on keeping up the hard work I have been putting into it so far, and finishing the semester strong. I believe I am looking at one more semester at OTC. After that, I plan on attending Missouri State and going into accounting.
When I finished my exam, Cody and I went to dinner. We were planning on going to see a movie at the Moxie, but instead opted to come home and watch Netflix and have some cuddle time. He has to work early in the morning and I am going to do yoga then go shopping with some girlfriends. I am looking forward to getting out with the girls, as we have been friends for ever and always have a blast.
Here is pic of my handsome man at dinner.
I love it...and this man. He is amazing and I don't know what I would do without him by my side, for the rest of my life. :)))
He is sleeping soundly, and I got an observation paper written for my psychology class. After the exam and that paper, I am officially on Thanksgiving break for the next eight days and I am thrilled. Work will be busy for the first three days of the week next week, then I will be off Thursday through Sunday. During the holiday season, I am so thankful that I no longer work in retail. For any of you that do, bless your heart. I did it for about ten years. It sucks. Big time.
I hope to get some more pictures of the kids up soon.
Here is one of me and Laica, before we went to see Mary Poppins. Both Caden and Laica loved it. We went with Cody's mom and grandma, and it was a lovely time.
I will post more after Thanksgiving, when I have more pictures to share. Caden just started basketball and Laica is still taking gymnastics (we are busy)... love that they are in activities that they like.
Until next time...
Letting go is something that I have an extremely hard time doing. My brain is constantly running, usually with obsessive, anxious thoughts that have no real merit. I have learned to work through the feelings of dread I experience on a regular basis. Anxiety, such a terrible thing to endure.
Exercise helps immensely, as does deep breathing and talking about what is bothering me. Cody serves as my sounding-board, when I can actually open up and verbalize the thoughts that are consuming me. Writing helps. I have always been better at expressing my thoughts and emotions through written words rather than those that are vocalized. I find it funny (not lol funny, weird-funny) and aggravating that the two things that I KNOW help me are the two things that I chose to neglect as I got further into the funk I was in during the past couple of months.
I picked a fight with this guy, on the day this photo was taken, for something really stupid. This was over three months ago, but I still remember and feel bad about it. Has he forgiven me (and probably forgotten about it)? Yes, I would bet on it.
I have no problem with the forgiving part, but I have a really hard time with the whole forgetting part. I do not remember everything in order to hold grudges, I do so because that is how my brain works. I can redirect my thoughts, but can never truly forget, and I wish that I could change that about myself.
With all that being said, my intention currently is to get back into taking time out for myself (homework does not count), keeping control of my course work and keeping my grades up (I'm doing great so far, less than half way to go until the end of semester). I am also working on letting go of thoughts, memories, and experiences that no longer deserve my attention. Forgetting is hard. I am trying. I intend to get on my mat for at least five minutes each day to breath and meditate. Yoga helps me so much, and I realize that I need it to help keep my mind, body, and life balanced.
I am a work in progress. I have a knack for messing up good things. I am determined to persevere and get back to a quiet, peaceful mind. My thoughts are loud, and they are often annoying... time to make some major changes, and letting go of the negative of the past is the first step of my journey.
I leave you with a few of my favorite pictures.
I just love a good chai tea latte, and I have been drinking lots of them lately at home. Hot tea is high on my happy list.
Autumn. My favorite season. I love all of the cliche things that all women love about fall, but I mainly welcome the invigoratingly cool mornings and soak them up.
Two weekends ago, I finished up all of my mid-term exams (successfully!) and going forward into the second half of the semester, I finally feel that I am in control of my school work, rather than having it control me. Don't get me wrong, my grades are good, it has just been a struggle to stay ahead and not wait until the day an assignment is due to complete it. If I lose my sense of control in certain areas of life, it affects so many other things, mainly my mood and attitude.
The past two months I have felt as though I was just doing what I had to, to get through the day, the week, whatever. I have been moody, and have taken it out on Cody (who is my Prince Charming that loves and supports me no matter how bitchy I am being). Mostly, I have been tired. Exhausted.
Depression is a strange experience. It can be all-consuming if one lets it get that far. I can recognize it happening in myself, do my best to work through it, and come out on the other side...usually learning a good life lesson or two (or three) along the way.
The thing about it is, I do not have the option to lie in bed all day and sleep (which is what my brain is telling me to do). I have a fiance, two awesome kids, and some wonderful clients that count on me to get my ass out of bed and get on with my life. I hold myself to high standards, and I will be damned if I let my brain chemicals ruin all of the good I have going for me. I am so grateful to be in this season of my life. It is amazing, and even through the bouts of sadness and anger, I can still recognize that fact.
With all of that being said, I am feeling better. School and work are going the very best they can. My dear friend Ellen gets to come home from the hospital for a few days before she continues her journey in a larger hospital, that is better equipped to help her.
Cody is awesome, my rock, as always. Caden and Laica are doing great in school. We have been setting aside intentional family time every night, and we can tell a huge difference in their behavior since that started over a month ago. Here are some pictures that I have taken lately.
Friday night, Cody and I cuddled on the couch and watched The Walking Dead. We are just starting the second season, but we both like it (we think). I have perfected my at-home chai tea latte, and it is delicious.
Since the kids spend most weekends with their dad, I spend a lot of my weekends working on school. This is a typical view, especially from 530-730 in the mornings.
Yesterday, we went to Phil and Becky's (Cody's mom and dad) to eat some ribs and enjoy the gorgeous weather and family time. The kids loved playing in the leaves, and Phil caught some pretty killer footage of them running and jumping in the pile. :))
These are from the first day of school, first grade and pre-kindergarden. My babies are growing up too quickly, Laica will be 5 in just a couple of weeks.
I have been feeling more inspired to write, so expect more posts soon.
