letting go

Letting go is something that I have an extremely hard time doing.  My brain is constantly running, usually with obsessive, anxious thoughts that have no real merit.  I have learned to work through the feelings of dread I experience on a regular basis.  Anxiety, such a terrible thing to endure. 

 Exercise helps immensely, as does deep breathing and talking about what is bothering me.  Cody serves as my sounding-board, when I can actually open up and verbalize the thoughts that are consuming me.  Writing helps.  I have always been better at expressing my thoughts and emotions through written words rather than those that are vocalized.  I find it funny (not lol funny, weird-funny) and aggravating that the two things that I KNOW help me are the two things that I chose to neglect as I got further into the funk I was in during the past couple of months.

I picked a fight with this guy, on the day this photo was taken, for something really stupid.  This was  over three months ago, but I still remember and feel bad about it.  Has he forgiven me (and probably forgotten about it)?  Yes, I would bet on it.
I have no problem with the forgiving part, but I have a really hard time with the whole forgetting part.  I do not remember everything in order to hold grudges, I do so because that is how my brain works.  I can redirect my thoughts, but can never truly forget, and I wish that I could change that about myself.  

With all that being said, my intention currently is to get back into taking time out for myself (homework does not count), keeping control of my course work and keeping my grades up (I'm doing great so far, less than half way to go until the end of semester).  I am also working on letting go of thoughts, memories, and experiences that no longer deserve my attention.  Forgetting is hard.  I am trying.  I intend to get on my mat for at least five minutes each day to breath and meditate.  Yoga helps me so much, and I realize that I need it to help keep my mind, body, and life balanced.

I am a work in progress.  I have a knack for messing up good things.  I am determined to persevere and get back to a quiet, peaceful mind.  My thoughts are loud, and they are often annoying... time to make some major changes, and letting go of the negative of the past is the first step of my journey.

I leave you with a few of my favorite pictures.

I just love a good chai tea latte, and I have been drinking lots of them lately at home.  Hot tea is high on my happy list.