intention

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking about intention.  I have been working on my patience more in the recent weeks. It is something that I have to consciously put effort into, because my patience level is a big fat zero.  I really don't like that about myself.  It isn't all bad, because I am usually very efficient at whatever I am doing.  However, when I have to work with others, I automatically (incorrectly) assume that everyone should be on my level...and when they aren't, I want to scream.  I don't act on the urge (I am impatient, not impulsive) but the loud thoughts racing through my mind induce stress.  

I am lucky to be in a phase of my life in which I mainly work by myself, for people that I choose to work for.  I have not always, and will not always continue to have this luxury, but I certainly do not take it for granted.  Appropriately enough, while writing about patience, Laica is up at 5 a.m. and is in a wedding today...sigh.

I am often having to remind Laica to stop being so bossy...but she comes by it honestly.  I was born a boss, and had younger siblings who were willing to listen to me.  Having a daughter that is my carbon copy has been a good learning experience.  I often find myself telling her things that I should be telling myself.  When she drives me insane, I have to wonder how many people that I have driven crazy with my stubborn, independent ways.  My bets are that everyone who loves me (or has worked with me) has experienced what I feel in dealing with Laica.  I am certainly being paid back for every time in my life that I have been a pain in the ass (I bet there are some people reading this who get some satisfaction from that statement).
 
One of the pieces of advice given to Laica that I should take myself is that, "sometimes it is better to ask for help before you try to do it by yourself."  Cody has been amused by overhearing some of these conversations, saying things like, "Maybe Mommy should take her own advice."  I really don't know what it is, but our brains are wired to first give it a shot, and then ask for help if we cannot achieve the desired results on our own. 

 An example that I will never forget was back around 2005.  I was single, living with Carly, and loving life.  The living room had vaulted ceilings and the light bulbs needed to be changed, and I was home alone (with no ladder-we were young girls).  My solution?  Two coolers, side by side, a bar stool on top of the the coolers, and two or three phone books on top of the bar stool.  I got those damn lights changed, but will never forget that Carly was bothered that I did it while I was home alone.  She was right to be concerned, I easily could have fallen and had a "life alert" moment, minus the life alert device.  :)  Hindsight is 20/20, right?

That thought leads me back to the original thought behind the post, which was intention.  Taking more time for myself recently has lead to me consciously being more intentional.  Some days the only goal I can muster is to be present.  I am a work in progress, but I am seeing results from my intentions.  I am seeing results from my actions.  My intention is inner peace, a quiet mind.  Some days are better than others, but by being aware of my thoughts and feelings and listening to my body, I am doing my best.

In class earlier this week, during a compression pose, the instructor told us that it was normal for the body to release emotion in that pose.  She was right, tears were streaming down my face, in a room full of people...and I didn't even care.  Not too long after that, class ended with a beautiful version of "Let It Be."  As I was in corpse pose, crying, and feeling my guardian angel there with me, I was happy.

 I am happy.  The human body is amazing, we just have to listen to what it tells us.  Allow ourselves to feel and express emotion.  Live life with intention.  Be present.  Life is beautiful.