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Life lately is a roller coaster. 

 Penny can often be heard yelling in the background.  She is not sick.  She is not hurting.  She is not tired.  She's not even crying, just yelling.  She will stop and smile as soon as I swoop her up.  Penelope wants to be held and/or carried all of the time.  She has days that are wonderfully predictable, she naps for at least an hour at a time and is generally a pleasant little person.  The other half of our days are hard.  I often try to come up with the correct word to describe those days.  Challenging, difficult, crazy, exhausting, numbing. 

I know these baby days will escape me before I am ready.  I am aware of how quickly the time goes.  I am sure that Penny will grow into an amazing and smart girl that grows into an incredible woman.  However, right now we are in the trenches and some days are just hard.

Penny wants to be on the move.  At only three months, she is very aware of her surroundings.  I do not want to wish any time away.  I am trying to soak up every tiny bit of baby, but I think that she will be easier to deal with a few months down the road.  

She and I spend a lot of time together, which I do not take for granted.  My work situation combined with our family situation (Read: Cody is awesome and the best partner I could ever ask for.  He works long and hard hours to allow me to work part time. He knows that I genuinely enjoy taking care of our family and our home, and he allows me to do that.) has made it easy for me to almost exclusively breastfeed, which is good for both Penny and myself.  For the last month or so, she has been making a lot of eye contact while feeding, and I soak in those special moments between the two of us.

I have to laugh when I think about how Cody and I had our future lives planned out.  Penelope has changed those plans, or at least the timeline.  Our mountain tiny house dreams will be pushed back.  I find myself missing the time I had alone and the time that Cody and I had to ourselves. I miss it so much, but it all goes away when that chubby little baby smiles at me or laughs at her brother and sister.  I know I am very much doing what I am meant to be doing right now and I accept that life will be busy and crazy for years to come.

This is just a glimpse of life right now.  I anticipate the rest of this year being as wild as the first part has been, but I am ready for it.  Ready to marry my best friend and watch our kids grow up.  Ready to experience all of the ups and downs to come.  We only get one chance at life, and I am going to do my best to find the good in every day, even the hard ones.  


 

Just some pictures...

Just a few pictures I've taken lately... The common theme is pretty obvious, Penny is a grouch. I like to think of it as "spirited" but if I'm being honest, one of her nicknames is "mean baby."  :)

 She has been laughing more lately and it is the sweetest sound!  Penelope thinks she is bigger than she is and she likes to be held upright. She wants to take in everything going on around her. She is three months old now and is very healthy. I'm looking forward to her check up next month to see how much she weighs. My guess is... a lot. She's getting really heavy in her infant seat and my back hurts daily.  Penny has completed our family, we love watching her personality develop. 

Caden and Laica are doing wonderfully in school and have adjusted beautifully to the baby. They both love to help out, but Caden is the sweetest big brother. Those two will have a special bond.  

I'll try to update more soon, life is crazy (but I love it).

penelope's birth story

Looking back on it, I wish that I would have updated my blog more (or at all) while I was pregnant with Penny. I worked up until the week before she was born and was generally exhausted and/or crabby by the time I got the older two kids in bed. This was the last picture I took while pregnant, I believe it was around 36-37 weeks. We made it to 38 weeks, 4 days.  

this shirt is actually a dress

I had regular contractions off and on for about 2-3 weeks before she was born.  November was busy for us, Laica turned six and we celebrated at Jumpmania.  Caden had his first test in his martial arts class and received his orange belt. (He has since tested again and he is currently a yellow belt.)

Caden's first test was the night of November 19, and I was having contractions and extremely uncomfortable the entire time.  I had been having contractions for so long and we had already made a trip to labor and delivery in which we were sent home, so I did not think much of how I was feeling that night.  Come to find out, I was in active labor. 

I woke up to use the bathroom around 2 a.m. and as soon as I stepped into the bathroom, my water broke.  It was not a huge amount of liquid, and I wanted to be sure before I woke Cody, so I puttered around the house for about 45 minutes.  

When I was positive that I was leaking fluid, I woke Cody and told him that my water had broken.  His response?  "Ok.  I'm going to go back to sleep for a couple of hours."  :) I woke him out of a deep sleep and found it so funny that this was his initial reaction.  

I called the hospital and they told us to come in.  We called the kids' grandma to come over, and I made their lunches for school.  We woke them up and told them we were leaving. Due to the false alarm a couple of weeks earlier, we had the car packed and ready to go.

We arrived at the hospital around 3:30, and were in a birthing room by about 4:45.  Our nurses were both wonderful.  They called Dr. Stanczyk to let him know what was going on.  He told them he was going to work out and do a procedure at the surgery center and that he would be by around 8:30 to check our progress.

Right before the doctor arrived, I advised the nurse that I was feeling some pressure with my contractions (I had an epidural).  When the doctor checked my progress, he looked at me and said, "We can push!"  The next several minutes were a whirlwind of nurses and techs setting up equipment.  

With my first push, Dr. Stanczyk told us that the baby would have a lot of hair.  Cody looked and confirmed this.  Two more pushes and Penelople Rose Lane came into the world at 8:43 a.m.  My first words when they placed her on me were, "She's so big!"  She weighed 7 pounds, 15 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. 

She was fussy from the start and wanted to nurse every ten minutes.  At one point in the hospital, I had slept only 30 minutes in 30 hours.  I was exhausted.  We were able to get a nap the next morning for about an hour and a half, and that was the most amazing sleep I have ever had.  

We stayed two nights in the hospital and got home before noon on Sunday.  The kids got home from their dad's a little later that day and we settled in as a family of five.  We are all over the moon in love with Penelope.  She has many nicknames already.  We usually call her Penny, and my nickname for her is "Penny Pants."

Caden and Laica love her, and Caden is especially sweet with her.  He is the best big brother and I have been so proud of how great the kids have handled the addition of a baby to our family.  

I have so much more to write, but in true Penny fashion, she just woke up after a too-short nap and is being a grouchy pants.  More to come soon...

a quick catch up... aka a lot of pictures

It seems to have been six months since I last blogged.  I am hoping to keep up with it on a more regular basis from here on out, and we are about seven weeks away from having some new subject matter!

Those who follow me on Instagram and Facebook know that we are expecting a baby girl, due on November 30th.  Her name is Penelope Rose Lane, and we will call her Penny.  She came as a total surprise to us, but we are all ready to be a family of five.  

Since my last post, we moved into a bigger space.  We have enjoyed making our new house a home, and I have more projects ahead of me once I have the baby.  I can't really complain about how I have felt during the pregnancy, everything has gone relatively smoothly so far.  Aside from a handful of irrational emotional moments and feeling tired all the time, the past 7-8 months have flown by.  As of today, I am 32 weeks and 4 days.  Both Caden and Laica were around a week past their estimated due date, therefore I am planning on the same thing this time around.  However, I will be pleasantly surprised if Miss Penelope makes her appearance around Thanksgiving.  

Penny moves a lot, and when Cody talks to her with his head on my belly, she always kicks him.  It is absolutely adorable.  I know that Cody is going to be a great dad, and am really looking forward to experiencing this with him.  

As you can see from the pictures, the kids are growing and so is my midsection.  Caden started martial arts a little over a month ago, and Laica is back in gymnastics after taking a break for a few months.  They are loving school and we are so proud of them. 

Cody has been working crazy hours lately.  He just got home, so I am going to wrap up this post and spend some time with him.  Stay tuned, there will be more bump pictures and eventually I will be able to introduce the newest member of our family, little Penny Lane.

 

life lately...

Life lately... it has been hectic and busy, but wonderful at the same time.  We recently made the decision to move when our lease is up this summer, which is adding a little stress, but I am excited to find a house we will stay in for a long, long time.  We were planning on staying here one more year, but as we all know, plans sometimes change.  

Easter was a great day spent with family.  We went to Buffalo to Cody's Grandma's house and ate way too much food.  I made Neiman Marcus bars (Gooey Butter Cake) for the first time, and it was a huge it.  I didn't know it, but that is the favorite dessert of Cody's uncle Darrell.  I am happy to have found "my dish" to bring to family gatherings. 

Here are a few pictures of life lately.  We are all busy doing life...I am trying to stay focused and finish out the semester successfully.  So far, all grades are in the A-B range and going to do my best to keep it that way.  I am looking forward to summer break and reading something other than a text book. 

I have not been keeping up with my self-imposed blogging challenge very well, but that's life.  Stick with me, I will be back at it in no time.  











 Selfie on Easter Sunday.  We dyed eggs Sunday night with the kids, because they were with their dad for the weekend.












Cody and I had a date night.

 

And finally, Laica has been a huge help lately.  She is just like a mini version of me, always wanting to do things around the house like cook and clean.  Love this bossy little girl.

 

We are off to school and work, stay tuned!!

ten ways to win my heart...

This guy won my heart two years ago...







   I am over the moon in love with Cody and cannot wait until I become Brooke Nichole Lane.  He is the best, ever.  

I am jumping around a little on the blogging challenge list.  The following list of ten ways to win my heart are in not in order of importance.

1.  Give me a lot of physical affection.  Hold my hand.  Hug and kiss me often.  Cuddle with me in bed or on the couch.  Give me shoulder and foot massages.  I took a test once to determine what my love language is quality time, followed very closely by physical touch.  Both of those are very important to me.  

2.  Allow me to have quiet/alone time when I need it.  I am an introverted person, and I need quiet time to recharge.  I am a better partner to Cody and mommy to my kids when I get some quiet time.  Luckily, I usually have time to come home and shower after work, before I have to pick up Laica from preschool.  I am weird about germs, so after cleaning a house I feel as though I have to shower off all of the nastiness immediately.  :)

3.  Help me out with the kids and around the house.  Cody works so hard, and I am a bit old-fashioned and enjoy taking care of our household, so I do most of the housework.  That being said, Cody is always, always willing to help out with any chores if I ask him to do so.  He cooks dinner at least once a week, which is wonderful.  He is very helpful to me all the time, but especially while I am doing school work.

4.  Work on my car when necessary (or at least make an attempt).  I am the luckiest woman in the world and have a fiance that just bought me a new (to us) car!  I love it, and it will be a great car for us.  It is in great condition and should last for years.

5.  Be responsible with your finances.  A lot of the problems that led to my divorce involved poor money management.  Cody and I are able to easily save money, and we split our bills evenly.  We have an emergency fund, and for the first time in my adult life, I feel secure financially.  We were able to pay cash for my car, without taking out any loans.  That is a great feeling of accomplishment for both of us.  Cody and I are on the same page when it comes to our family budget and finances, and we always check with each other before making a purchase (mainly just out of respect for one another).

6.  Be there for me.  I get moody from time to time, and Cody handles me wonderfully.  He grew up with a sister, and he understands how to be sensitive (or just shut up) when needed.  If I need a hug or to just cry to you, then listen to me and once I vent I always feel better.

7.  Have the ability to garden.  My man is a phenomenal gardener, and we are about to start our little urban garden that we do in our backyard.  Last year's garden was really successful and fun to work with.  I am excited to get ours started and work in it again this time around.  Working with plants is very calming and therapeutic to me, I really enjoy the peace it brings me.  The kids also love helping out and picking the fruits and vegetables when they are ready.  Laica is excited because we plan on having more strawberry plants this year.

8.  Talk to me.  Listen to me when I need to talk.  I am usually fairly quiet, but not always.  Cody gets the jabbering side of me.  :)

9.  Be respectful of your parents.  I was raised to have respect for my elders, and nothing is more of a turn-off than someone who speaks disrespectfully to their mother or father.  My ex did this often, and I hated it.  

10.  Give me your full attention when I need it.  Being the independent person that I am, I do not always require a lot of attention.  However, there are certain times when I am needy and clingy and insecure.  Reassure me that you are there for me and will never leave my side.  Put up with my crazy.  Cody has vowed to grow old with me, and he has a lot of crazy to deal with in the coming years.  He handles it beautifully, as it only appears during a certain time of the month.  

There are ten ways to win my heart.  Cody won it the first night I met him.  I will love that man forever, he is truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met.  There is no way I am ever letting him go.

I mean, look at us!  Sure looks like true love to me.  Until next time, xoxo.

wacky weekend

CODY IS HOME!  He got home yesterday afternoon, tired and cold, and happy to be here.  He had a pretty good time with his buddies, though the snow certainly put a (literal) damper on the weekend.

A lot of strange, fun, and eventful things have happened since Friday.  Friday was weird.  I started out the day with two separate clients' houses to clean (that was completed successfully).  I got an upsetting phone call from a family member and had racing thoughts all day while working. (No tragedies--sending good vibes to the people involved in a bad situation).

When I finished up the second house (this place is over 9,000 square feet--no shit) I got a great sense of relief, which was exactly what I needed.  I have worked for this family for around two years, but our time has come to an end.  The lady of the house and I had been discussing the topic for a couple of weeks, and I had decided (in my head--I hadn't even told Cody that I was thinking about quitting because it was a difficult decision, as I am not a quitter.  Ever.).  Basically, I am great at my job.  We both knew that.  We also both knew that I do not have seven to nine hours to devote each week at her house.  They are planning on downsizing (ummm, yes, please do--talk about excessive space) and that is all fine--life situations change all the time.  I was not even a little sad, I was jumping up and down, ecstatic relieved.  I recently took on a new client and it booked me solid.  Like, if something comes up such as a sick kid or a snow day and I have to miss work, it would have messed up every other day of that week, too.  My schedule has to be delicately balanced to work out, because I have clients that are weekly, bi-weekly, occasionally (every couple of months) and one that is every third Friday.

I need the flexibility, that is why I work for myself.  I have part-time hours for full-time pay, and I have worked hard to get here.  Until I graduate and my kids are a few years bigger, this will be my situation.  I am grateful for it each day, as I am able to drop my kids off at school, pick up Laica in the afternoon, and be home when Caden gets off of the bus (and be ready to feed him--that kid does not stop eating).

Cody's mom, Beckie, took the kids and me to see Pinocchio at the Lander's Theater Saturday morning, and it was SO fun.  I am not usually into kid's television programs or movies, but musicals are a whole other story.  It was so cute, we all really enjoyed ourselves.
 
I hadn't been paying much attention to the forecast with the hectic Thursday and Friday that I had, and we got snow Saturday morning.  The kids were supposed to go to Marshfield after the show to stay with my parents, but by the time we got out, the roads were terrible.  Fortunately, they got to go sleep over at Magnolia's house and were thrilled with that.  I picked them up yesterday around one, and they were tired and happy kids.

I had a quiet, clean house after I tidied up when getting back from taking the kids to Portland's.  I was a little bored, but was okay with blogging and looking through facebook, and my school work is all caught up.  (One week until spring break!!!)  I got showered and into sweats, logged onto Facebook and commented on a friend's (friend of about 14 years and former roomie) picture.

That exchange led to receiving a text from him (I didn't have his number after the last phone I had died).  We had a fun, conversation back and forth for a bit and wished each other well, promising to see each other soon.  Well, unfortunately I don't think that will be happening, but I hope otherwise... Not long after that I got a private message from said friend's fiance, making terrible, false, accusations.  I hope she was intoxicated, because if not, then wow.  Just wow.  I will not go into all of the details, but let's just say that after a two to three hour period of receiving messages from her telling me to "go f*ck myself" and me denying any wrongdoing, telling her she was making a mistake, and asking her to please re-read the conversation.  After a very firm message from me, once again encouraging her to re-read our text conversation, I GOT AN APOLOGY.  Actually, I got more than one apology.  I was proud that I never cursed back at her or stooped to her level, I knew I was not in the wrong, whatsoever.  While I didn't stoop to her level, I wanted to.  In my mind, I was thinking, "THAT'S RIGHT, YOU CRAZY BITCH.  CHILL THE EFF OUT!" I encouraged her to have an honest conversation with him, got an apology from him for the encounter, and wished both the best.  Whoa.  I miss my friend, but I will not be initiating any conversations with him until I hear from him.  I think it may be a while.  :)  I never have drama, so this practically blew me out of the   water.  I was dumbfounded.  Glad it got sorted out, but damn.  No more of that, ever.

In the midst of the messaging nonsense that was going on, I decided to brave the weather and headed over to some of Cody and my friend's house to drink a couple Stellas and sing karaoke.  It was so much fun, can't wait to hang again soon, with Cody too.  I am pretty sure I got buzzed and gushed about him a lot. I love that guy.   Next blog challenge topic is "5 things that irritate me about guys/girls."  Should be a fun list, especially with the dramatics experienced over the weekend.  :)  Look for that post soon, I'm about to run out the door to take Laica to school and go to work.  MONDAY!